What communication habits did you each have to unlearn before you could truly function as partners in love and in business?
Da Brat: I think I had to learn how to be patient. I was speaking to respond. I’ve been on the defense all my life, whether it was in a confrontation or just in conversation, feeling like people were coming for me. So patience, listening to hear what she has to say rather than just responding to defend myself that was the work for me. I had to make sure I understood what she was saying before I replied.
Judy: For me, it was about unlearning conditioning. The way I was raised, certain words and tones were totally normal where I come from. But I had to step back and realize that what feels natural to me can land differently with her. I had to take two steps back, listen, and understand that my normal might not be her normal.
What are your non-negotiables when it comes to fighting fair, especially when business pressures add stress to the relationship?
Judy: The listening to understand piece is everything. I need space first to calm down and digest things before I can talk. But when I come back ready to talk, I need to actually be heard — not just tolerated. I don’t need you to take my side, but hear what I’m saying and why I’m saying it before you respond.
Da Brat: I don’t like when she walks away mid-disagreement. I want to figure it out right then. But I understand she needs a minute so she doesn’t say something she doesn’t mean. My thing is, tomorrow is not promised. I don’t want to go to sleep angry with something unresolved between us. I genuinely cannot sleep. She, on the other hand, will be knocked out.
Judy: I sit in a CEO seat. There is a lot to carry. I’ve learned how to compartmentalize — not because I don’t care, but because if I take on everything at once it becomes hard to function. I also know myself well enough to know that if I respond in the moment, I will intentionally think of the most cutting thing I can say. I never want to do that to her. There is no coming back from that.
How do you balance being individually successful while making sure neither of you feels neglected — especially when you’re also running things together?
Judy: She is very intentional about making sure we are okay. She will put the phone down. She checks in. She makes sure the relationship stays the priority even when everything else is demanding attention.
Da Brat: Honestly, I don’t overthink it. I just show up for her. All the business stuff is real, but at the end of the day, she’s my person. I’m not going to let ambition be the thing that creates distance between us. You have to actively choose each other, and we do that every day.
The way love goes — and business, too
Their book, The Way Love Goes, is available for purchase now via HarperCollins and all major retailers. For couples considering a shared business venture, Da Brat and Judy’s message is clear: do the internal work first, establish how you handle conflict, and never let the pursuit of success cost you the partnership that makes the work meaningful in the first place.
This article is based on an interview originally conducted for the podcast According to Porsha and Revelence.
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